"If you're working on changing bad habits, unhealthy thought patterns, negative emotions, or toxic behaviors, now that you are healing a small part of the world by healing yourself. Everyone around you will benefit and they will be served by your wholeness. It's hard sometimes and I know you want to quit, but this is the work that ultimately changes the world." —Emily Maroutian
Parents often pass onto their children what they were taught.
There was a video I saw of a woman who was 80 years old. She said when she was 8 years old and was first trying makeup, her mother saw her put on blush and said she looked like a clown.
Now, 72 years later, to this day, she hears her mother's voice say that to her when she puts on blush. She ended the video with how words parents say to us haunt us forever.
I have been thinking about that a lot, because so many of the negative things I hear in my head forever are my mother's voice of the things she said.
If you're a parent or plan to become one, don't become your child's negative voice for their entire lives.
I really related to this one. It got me thinking.
The day of our 10th Grade Formal was a huge deal. Starting in the morning I had a very full list of things I needed to get through before meeting my boyfriend at 6 PM that day ready to go to the formal with him. (Kind of like a Prom in Australia.)
I had gotten a spray tan the day before and Kelly (my boyfriend’s mom) had also taken me the week before to get a dress, so still left on my agenda was my nails to be done (I chose a simple French manicure and pedicure) and then I wanted to stop by my hair salon, the one I had gone to since I was like eight and get my hairdresser to style my hair.
I remember I was ✨SO EXCITED ✨ and could not wait to show my mom my tan + nails + hair + dress + shoes. I was thinking she would just be so proud and think I looked so lovely. I felt like a million dollars.
✨ SO NICE, so special.✨
The day went on and eventually, I finished up at my hairdresser, after accomplishing everything else, and now my mom was going to be waiting outside for me to pick me up and take me home to get my dress and shoes on.
I specifically remember that a lot of the girls in my year were spending hundreds on their dresses and limousines. Even though my family was by far one of the wealthiest in my grade, if not THE wealthiest, my mom had given me a very tight budget for some reason. This was really odd because I’m talking ✨millionaires✨ but I just went with it.
I chose a dress that cost $80, I paid for my own nails ($60) and then my mom paid for the hairstyling ($50) and then the spray tan which if I remember was only about $25. She would not cover a limousine and said that was stupid so my boyfriend went by his favorite tattoo shop in the next city and asked them if they’d drive us in because the owner had an amazing car that was airbrushed with the most incredible art. An absolute head-turner of a vehicle. They agreed and wouldn’t charge us so that was it.
Here I was walking out of the hair salon about to impress my mom in the car and I’ll never forget her looking at my hair with disgust and asking, “THAT cost $50?!” Out of all the things she could say, I was not expecting that at all. My heart sunk and I just sat in the car and cried quietly so she wouldn’t see me. I thought I looked good and loved the style but she was clearly disgusted.
When I got home my dad refused to come, he was too drunk so I think I was one of the only girls there without a dad at dinner, and later that night I took $50 from my savings and left it on the counter by mom’s coffee pot.
I’ll never forget that. “THAT cost $50?!”
It was just a few months later that I moved out. I was barely 16.
I wasn't close to my mom as a child, we healed our relationship as an adult and became very close, but not when I was young.
When I was about four years old, my mom told me that she was going to end up in a mental asylum, she wouldn't even know my name, and that it would be my fault. I used to break down in tears every time I told that story. I don't anymore.